Sisyphus' s banquet

Punishment Sisyph (wikimedia image)

Vatel, Loiseau, Bourdain… do these names ring a bell? As a cook and food tour guide, reading up as I like to do on the history of gastronomy, I couldn’t help but wonder at the striking similarity of the tragic destinies of all 3 incredibly talented men who ended their own lives exhausted by what seems to be a doomed Sisyphus race for perfection or fulfillment (included further below a short bio for each of them).

Without claiming their greatness, the feeling of utter despair they must have experienced to go to such extremes or the urge to engage in the race at that level, I understand how cooking can be a sacrificial and thankless act. When I started this new catering venture, once the gig was over, I would be so drained after days in the tunnel of focused preparations, shopping and cooking alone, I would not feel an ounce of achievement. Despite thriving during the process or how delighted my clients were, the second it was done, I would feel empty, depleted and rattled with poisonous self-doubt.

Why on earth was this happening? After all, making meals for friends and family is the very definition of who I am and I had never before experienced these feelings. But now it had become a business, it was no longer just an act of loving and sharing, with no strings attached. I had to learn to take an emotional distance even when cooking and sharing food is by definition such a primal, vital and communal act.

With time and experience, things are more serene. Each cooking gig is smoother. However, there are no short cuts, it is grueling work, especially when your standards are high. Chefs invariably harp on that “En cuisine on ne compte pas ses heures, c’est un métier passion” (In the kitchen, you don’t count your hours, it’s a labour of love). And then there is all the stuff around, the need for full time marketing and communicating to get more work, which is just a whole other job. Not what I am most interested in, since I lack the the sensitivity and perception needed. In my eyes, most food related posts on social media resemble one another. Though I am objectively proud of how far I have come along, I sometimes wonder about the relevance of this profession as it exists today and its implied hardships.

Since Covid, the wars, the world financial crisis, Restaurants in France in particular have been going through a massive crisis. Many establishments find it impossible to find regular reliable cooking or waiting staff. Thousands, disillusioned, turned away from the profession. It is just no longer worth the physical and mental cost for most. In France, approximately 7000/8000 restaurants have closed yearly in the past couple of years.

I still have ties to Parisian restaurants and I see how hard it is for the owners, the cooks,  the dishwashers (often time migrants who are still willing to do the thankless job). The Bangladeshis always ask me if I could help them get more hours elsewhere. The truth is, they are made invisible, never represented but, without the migrants, the entire industry of French gastronomy would simply fall flat on its face and never recover.  That is the thing though, it is a hard profession, whether you are a world-renowned chef like Loiseau or a dishwasher from Bangladesh. The kettle is always boiling over. You have to start over every day, to prove yourself all over again, no matter how well you did before. One only needs to look at all the recent series and films that describe the restaurant world under high voltage, almost horrific: The Bear, Boiling Point, The Menu…

But then I remind myself of all those other films that gloriously celebrate cooking. To name a few: Babette’s Feast, the Lunchbox, the Taste of Things, Ratatouille… Recently, I watched Vatel, despite some inadequacies, it is a stunning historically accurate portrayal of a challenging succession of sumptuous feasts and extravagant decorations at Chantilly. The film unsurprisingly won the César for Best production design.

So even if I were to cook less in the future, food is my religion, if I am not eating, cooking or shopping, I am studying its history avidly. Working as a food tour guide has been the greatest gift of my career shift. I get to study again which is what nourishes me the most, I get to make an infinite number of friends for a day and enjoy marvelous conversations with the tourists and realize what lovely, decent people most human beings are despite the many dark forces operating to divide us. Food is that collective emotion and language we all share and that brings us closer as Anthony Bourdain demonstrated over and over again in his TV shows. More about these giants that got this article started…

François Vatel

Vatel (wikimedia image)

François Vatel was born on 17 January 1631 and was one of France’s most famous intendants and maîtres d’hôtel. Although of humble origins, he was admired for his talent as a olden day “party planner”, setting up extravagant banquets at the Château de Vaux-le-Vicomte for Nicolas Fouquet, and later at the Château de Chantilly for the Prince of Condé during the reign of Louis XIV.

In April 1671, the King and his entourage were invited to celebrate the completion of the Château de Chantilly. The Prince of Condé, a former Frondeur, was thus seeking to regain the King’s favour. The celebration had to be perfect. After weeks of intense preparations, Vatel dazzled the court day after day, with a succession of sumptuous meals, entertainment and festivities. Exhausted, overworked, unable to bear the thought of being disgraced, he took his own life with his sword when the fish order for the Shrove Friday meal failed to arrive on time.

Bernard Loiseau

Bernard Loiseau restaurant La Côte d'Or à Saulieu (wikimedia image)

Bernard Loiseau is one of France’s most renowned chefs, revered like Bocuse and Escoffier. Born in Auvergne on 13 January 1951, he initially worked with the Troisgros brothers. From 1975 onwards, he devoted himself to reviving La Côte d’Or in Saulieu. His cuisine is innovative in its quest for greater purity and lightness, using reduced sauces and deglazing to enhance the original flavours of the ingredients themselves. In 1991, he was awarded the prestigious third star in the Michelin Guide. He went on to enjoy an increasingly prestigious career, demonstrated a keen sense of marketing, and was a constant presence in the media.

Always striving for perfection and under constant pressure, he took his own life on 24 February 2003. His wife revealed that he had been suffering from bipolar disorder. She ensured that his legacy lived on through his children and the chef’s staff.

Anthony Bourdain

Anthony Bourdain (wikimedia image)

Anthony Michael Bourdain, born in 1956, was a charismatic figure in the world of gastronomy, famous for his ambivalent personality, being at once cynical and empathic, gritty and curious, punk rock and poetic as well as an outstanding story teller. A former star chef at La Brasserie Les Halles in New York, he wrote his best seller “Kitchen Confidential”, a scathing depiction of the backstage of the restaurant business, and later became a TV star hosting food shows like “A Cook’s Tour” and “No Reservations”, connecting instantly with people from all over the world over a meal, however polarized their world views may have been, coming back to my earlier point that most of humanity is decent if you take the time to have a respectful open conversation.

Having battled addictions to heroin and crack in his youth, he revealed himself to be a troubled soul during those times, hinting at a certain psychological fragility. He led an intense lifestyle and spoke of the grueling and solitary nature of shooting on the road. While away on a filming trip, he took his own life on 8 June 2018 at Kaysersberg Vignoble, near Colmar in Alsace (France).